Saturday, November 27, 2010

Having the Right Words for Those Grieving

I could go on for hours about the mind-boggling things that people said at the time of my sister's death and continue to say now 10 1/2 years later.  In her new book, Choosing to See, Mary Beth Chapman reviews this topic of people passing through the visitation for her 5 year old daughter, Maria. 

As Steven and I greeted the people who were able to come to the church, a lot of them didn't know what to say.  The thing that helped us most was when people would just hug us and say, "There are no words."

...Others would innocently try to connect our sorrow with some event in their own lives.  They were simply trying to relate the best they could.  But when people would say that they knew how we felt because they'd lost their dad or their mom or their grandmother, I felt numb.  I know that grief is grief and pain is pain...still, in natural order of this life we do tend to lose our parents and grandparents first.  Burying a five-year-old isn't in the usual order of things. 

...A couple of people actually told me they could sympathize with our grief because their dog or cat had been hit by a car.

A counselor at our church - who has suffered more grief than absolutely anyone should ever have to go through - said it is the responsibility of those grieving to help those who haven't.  He literally says to people after comments like the ones mentioned, "That comment was not helpful."  Can't say that I have ever done this but you never know!

The point?  Help those who are grieving by doing what you can to understand grief.  It will open your eyes and in turn bless those who are grieving. 

Monday, November 22, 2010

Dawn's Light

Dawn's Light (Restoration Series #4)

I started the Restoration Series by Terri Blackstock a couple of years ago after a friend gave me the book for my birthday.  I was immediately hooked.  It is one of the best series that I have read.  Totally different than any other set of books.  My mom was instantly hooked as well.  We both quickly got our hands on the rest of the series.

But to be honest, the fourth book in the series has set in my closet for a while.  Not that I didn't want to read it.  Frankly, I was scared to read it.  My mom prepared me that the plot was hard and would bring up memories that sometimes I just would rather not come up. 

So, here I am a couple years later, finishing the series.  The tears have come and pain has resurfaced.  But ever time the pain comes up I see another piece of healing occurring. 

In the next few posts, I am going to once again share with you passages from a book.  Passages that God is using to heal yet another portion of my heart - yes, even 10 1/2 years later. 

If you have not read this series, I highly encourage you to.  Even though the 4th book is the one that God has used the most to speak to me, please don't skip ahead because these books need to be read in ordre.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Jesus Wept. Will You?

A few months ago a pastor at our church spoke on the helping others grieve.  Here is another post from his message. 

Last post, I discussed the hole that is left in your life after an Interrupted Expectation.  There are people who will come into your life during your hurt who will help the hole heal.  Others will come in with a "hammer" and make the hole bigger.

Today, I want to focus on the shortest verse in the Bible - John 11:35
Jesus wept. 
 Jesus' friend Lazarus has just died.  If you go back two verses, you read:
33When Jesus saw her [Lazarus' sister] weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.
Jesus - in His human form - came into the life of those mourning and He wept.  He entered into their pain.

When you are in pain, Jesus is holding you in His arms weeping with you.  Jesus isn't make the hole bigger.  Jesus is covering the hole with His own tears.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

A Deep Relationship with Another

For some, the Interrupted Expectation may be singleness.  Despite the deep longing in your heart, God has asked you to wait.  Please be encouraged by this poem. 

Author Unknown

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone. To have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to the Christian says, "No, not until you're satisified and fulfilled and content with living, loved by Me alone and giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

"I love you, My child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me -- exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or belongings.

"I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait.

"Don't be anxious and don't worry. Don't look around at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I have to show you.

"And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working this minute to have both of you ready at the same time, and until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I've prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is perfect love.

"And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know I love you. I am God Almighty, believe and be satisfied."

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Friday, November 5, 2010

Bible Verses for Dealing with Others #3


Sometimes life throws you a curve ball by simply putting people in your path that you would rather not be around. It may be that they have annoying tendencies. Maybe they are on the opposite side of the spectrum than you in thoughts, beliefs, goals, attitude, and everything else. The easiest thing is to simply not deal with them. But sometimes your expectations and plans don't match up with God's.

This is the last of three blogs containing Bible verses confirming God's thoughts of dealing with others. Use these for prayer in your quiet time as you prepare for the times that you will meet with the person(s).
“Teach and counsel one another with all wisdom” (Colossians 3:16).

"Pray for each other” (James 5:16).

“Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds.” (Hebrews 10:24).

“ A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another” (John 13:34).
Father God,
You have said that the world will know we are Christians by our love. May it be so in my life today.
In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Similar blog about dealing with others - Relationship with In-Laws

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