Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Healthy Grieving #4 - Journal


This is a continuation from the last blog on "10 Tips for Healthy Grieving" by Steve Arterburn.



Tip number four for Healthy Grieving is journaling.  Simply stated, you just write out how you are feeling.  This may take the form of a prayer or just thoughts as they come.  The only rule is that you just be honest.  Since this is for your eyes only, there is no fear.  By writing down your thoughts, you have a resource to go back to and see if you are changing or growing in your faith. 

This is something that I didn’t do and really wish I would have.  At the time it seemed like I would never forget what was happening.  But looking back, I wonder just how I really felt.  I remember that my heart was down to my toes, but I have forgetten the details.  As I help others through the grieving process, I realize it would have been good to be able to go back and remember what I felt at that time. 

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Healthy Grieving #3 - Telephone Buddy


This is a continuation from the last blog on "10 Tips for Healthy Grieving" by Steve Arterburn.


A grieving person needs a telephone buddy. That person you can call when it hits real hard and you need to talk immediately. Hopefully you can call this person night or day.

I lost my daughter almost 11 years ago.  This weekend I had to clean her room.  She always hated me cleaning her room.  I just know she was yelling from heaven to not clean it.  Even after all of these years, the tears were flowing while doing this dreaful job.  I needed to talk to someone. Thankfully my telephone buddy was available.  This person may not be the same person from the start of the grieving process.   As your grief changes, this buddy may change. That is okay.  But, we will continue to need our telephone buddy for years to come.

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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Healthy Grieving #2 - Tell People What Helps


This is a continuation from the last blog on "10 Tips for Healthy Grieving" by Steve Arterburn. 


It is so hard to tell people what helps and what doesn’t when you are grieving.  Frankly, I don't think I knew myself!  If they haven’t been through an interrupted expectation, those around you don’t understand.  It is your job as a grieving person to teach them. You need to let them know when you need a hug or an errand run. 

As a grieving person, we take it personally when people do not fulfill our needs.  We think they do not care but most of the time they simply don’t understand or know what to do.  People can not read our minds so we must be brave and tell them what we need.

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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Healthy Grieving #1 - Stay Connected



While looking through some old emails, my mom found a forward that I had sent to her just nine months after my sister died.  It contained a list of "10 Tips for Healthy Grieving" by author Steve Arterburn.  She wondered if I would like to use it on this blog and I asked if she would consider writing a little something about each one of the tips.  She kindly obliged.  For the next few weeks, we will be looking at these ten tips from the viewpoint of a grieving mom.  Yes, even after eleven years, she is still grieving and will always grieve. 

I can’t tell you which one of the tips is most important so we will just start with “connection”.  It is of utmost importance that you stay connected with someone.  This could be a family member, friend, pastor, or counselor.  At first this might appear to be one sided where you do all of the talking and they do the listening.  As a grieving person, we just need someone who will listen to our hurts.  If this person is a true friend, they will know their role and be content with their job.  This is your time to talk because down the road the roles will change.  You will need to be a listener for someone who has just begun grieving.  Not sure how to find someone?  Begin to pray that God would bring a wise person into your life who will listen with wisdom.  This person needs to be nonjudgmental but be able to help you stay on the path of healthy grieving. 

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